School is closed this week and the girls are home for *Spring Break*. I’m not positive who’s getting a break here, but okay let’s do it.
My post this week is actually a follow-up entry to a post I wrote a few weeks ago called, “Parental Advisory Warning”, which touched on the difficulty of setting goals at a young age in the context of the recent college admissions scandal.
Shortly after posting it, I received an email from a college senior (let’s call her Rachel) who watched a YouTube video I made few years back called, “What Every Young Financial Advisor Needs to Hear.” Rachel’s email contained a list of questions about being a financial advisor, so I scheduled a phone call to answer them as best I could.
It turns out Rachel is the daughter of a successful financial advisor. More importantly, however, is that her father asked her to join his advisory practice after she graduates from college this May. Since I started my career as an advisor with my own father, I knew exactly what Rachel must be going through, especially the pressure — direct, indirect or otherwise — placed upon her to join the family business.
She fired off her first question, “How many hours do you sit behind a desk?” Not quite the start I was looking for, but I explained to Rachel that being an advisor isn’t really about being behind a desk. That her focus should be on the many years of learning and experience gathering that lay ahead of her. I went as far as pointing out the advantages she’ll have by starting with her dad. Rachel gave it all a big *sigh*.
Perplexed by her lack of enthusiasm, I half jokingly asked her if there was something else that she rather be doing and, to my surprise, she quickly and deliberately said, “Gymnastics!”
Over the next 20 minutes I learned that not only was Rachel a talented gymnast, but that she also trains other talented young girls (for money) at a local gym near her university. After a deep dive into the world of competitive gymnastics, she eventually told me that she wakes up and goes to sleep thinking about her love for the sport.
After hearing this, how could I possibly suggest she become a financial advisor? At least not yet anyway. Next month, Rachel will graduate debt-free from college with the world as her oyster. And, unlike most her friends who haven’t a clue as to what they want to do, Rachel has a clear understanding of what makes her happy. Plus, she already makes money doing it. I made sure to tell her just how special that is.
Yet, up until this point in her life, it seemed as if no one told Rachel it’s okay to take a chance. As if no one discussed a reality where she could make an honest life for herself doing the very thing that she loves most. After hearing that she could pursue her dreams, our entire conversation shifted. You could feel the excitement in her voice as we began talking about personal brands, social media marketing and the possibility of her opening a gym of her own someday.
Now, to be fair, I have absolutely no idea of the types of conversations Rachel has had with her folks leading up to our call. Perhaps they are leaving her big life decisions completely up to her. Perhaps. But her inability to so much as have considered a life of gymnastics leads me to believe that this was not the case. I want to give her parents the benefit of the doubt, but I know all too well how this story goes.
What I also know is that the decision she will soon have to make is not an easy one. I deeply understand what it’s like to reject a parent’s request to take over the family business. It’s down right crushing for everyone involved. In fact, it changed the nature of my relationship with my father forever.
While our phone call may have resulted in some kind of awakening for Rachel, the harsh reality is that she will likely end up working with her dad regardless of our conversation. That’s how hard it can be for young people to pursue their own goals and not the goals of their parents or anyone else. One can’t reasonably expect her to reverse years of conditioning in just one phone call.
But maybe, just maybe, my conversation ignited something inside of her. Something that will ultimately lead her to a life filled with gymnastics and happiness. Yes, her father might be disappointed if she tells him, “No thanks,” but I’m confident he will get over it and take pride in watching his daughter stick her landing.
What was the hardest thing you ever had to say “no” to?
— Douglas A. Boneparth (@dougboneparth) April 13, 2019