In just a few weeks, my wife will return to work from maternity leave. I still remember the tentative and concerned look on her face the morning she reported back after having Hazel. It was heartbreaking. Despite having an extra month off this time around, I doubt her feelings will be much different. Like most working mothers fortunate enough to receive paid leave, the time provided is usually never enough. The months following childbirth are mentally, physically and emotionally draining, so I can’t even imagine what it must be like to abruptly head back when all systems are flashing red.
With Hazel, our plan was to save money and eventually leave the city, buy a home and enroll her into daycare. To make that work, we shared a nanny for half the week with another family in the building around the corner from ours. Heather had to go to her office downtown Monday through Friday so, for the other half of the week, we leveraged my flexible schedule and enrolled Hazel in Daddy Daycare. Over five months, Hazel and I became best friends as we strolled from coffee shop to coffee shop, caught wild Pokémon and sucked down milk bottles in Central Park.
Even after we left the city, we explored our new town together and shared picnics in our new but much smaller park downtown. Seeing how we had a handful of weeks to get through before her real daycare started, Daddy Daycare remained open into the Fall. I managed to keep my business running smoothly thanks to technology, my amazing staff and clients who fully understood what was going on in my life. After all, many of them were going through it too. I’d take my calls during the day while tending to Hazel and schedule my meetings virtually after she went to bed at night.
Now, flash forward three years to today. With Ruby here, Heather and I have to once again figure out life‘s logistics, which means reconfiguring our already stressful commutes, remaining punctual for daycare pick ups and drop offs, paying for extra hours from the babysitter and, as always, overcoming those wonderful calendar-killing phone calls letting you know that your child is sick. Moreover, Ruby, like Hazel back then, can’t start daycare until September, which means Daddy Daycare is once again open for business!
As much as I am looking forward to the quality time Ruby and I are about to spend together, I am nervous. While we’ve settled nicely into our new lives here in the suburbs, it’s different this time. Since Hazel’s stint in Daddy Daycare, my business has grown, Heather’s career has evolved, Hazel has matured into a full-fledged human being, and our free time has never been more precious. Life is beyond hectic, but I know we will figure it out and, again, I know how fortunate we are to have the flexibility and resources to make it all work.
Over the weekend, I read an article from Entrepreneur called, “I’m Fighting for Paternity Leave — So Should You” by Josh Levs. In it, Levs discusses how workplace policies and cultures, along with societal stigmas, prevent men from taking paternity leave. While I am able to step up for my family (again), I can’t help but to think about just how wrong we’re getting family leave, especially when it comes to men. While women would practically beg for any amount of paid time off, men that are being offered it aren’t even taking it.
Levs points out just how important it is for men not to only take time off, but to fight for it as well. That the benefits of taking paternity leave extend further than the benefit itself. Because it’s not just about the sentiment for women’s rights. It’s also about it being a necessity for dual income households and families to operate. It’s not just about the gender pay gap or women’s professional advancement being at a disproportionately lower rate than men. It’s also about the numbers games we play to figure out how to afford the fact that no daycare will take a child less than six weeks old or the astronomical price of childcare altogether. It’s about all these things and more.
Now, to be fair, I haven’t spent a day in corporate America, but many of my clients have. The good news is that I can think of more than a handful of them that either took time off to simultaneously help their spouse or maximized their time off by starting their leave where their spouse’s left off. The bad news, however, is that more choose to keep working regardless of what they’ve been offered or what they can afford. Sadly, it’s not because they don’t want to, but more because of cultural and societal reasons stated in the article.
Some will argue that offering paid family leave is business prohibitive and too expensive, especially when it comes to small businesses. However, I’d argue that the short term expense is far outweighed by the long term benefits for both the business and the employee. Last year, when my associate had her son, I provided paid time off and generous work from home. It wasn’t enough, but it’s what I could afford and I know it went a long way in helping her remain productive, loyal and happy. I don’t see why taking time off wouldn’t be just as beneficial for men.
Unfortunately, America gets family leave wrong across the board. My own profession gets it wrong. Our gender roles, outdated management structures and struggle to responsibly grapple with gender equality makes change in this area slow and painfully difficult. However, with Daddy Daycare opening its doors once again, I am motivated to speak up about paternity leave to my clients and examine in greater detail all the benefits they are entitled to. I can integrate these conversations into our overall financial planning discussions and maybe, in doing so, help break the cycle.
Become a data point and weigh in on the important issues.
Gentlemen, I have a very important question.
If you were offered paternity leave would you take it?
— Douglas A. Boneparth (@dougboneparth) June 23, 2019