Just like one bad week in the markets can wipe out a year’s worth of gains, one bad week in your life can make it feel like the wheels are coming off. That’s what last week felt like. Before that, everything was firing on all cylinders. The market was rising, prospects were calling, the kids were healthy and a long awaited trip to Disney was at hand. Even those around me, from my friends to my family, were fired up. Then, one after another, bad news came rolling in. Hazel got the flu, our trip got cancelled, coronavirus, Iran, impeachment, the markets, Kobe and Gigi.
Honestly, it’s a lot to process and having been marooned at home with few outlets to help cope with the unpleasantness made matters worse. Even before the helicopter crash, my wife noticed my descent into a *moderate* level of depression. My sluggishness and somber attitude were easy tells for her. Before I could slip any further, I received a visit from my mother-in-law, who watched the girls so my wife and I could grab a bite to eat. Going out felt like an animal being released into the wild after being held captive for an undetermined period of time, unsure if it should venture too far from its enclosure.
Over the course of our dinner and after a few drinks, I felt my concerns loosen up enough to get my mind and focus back on track. The restaurant staff took pity on us and brought us a complimentary dish of pasta to go with our meal. It was a much appreciated gesture. The next day, we went about our Sunday as we normally do. Grocery shopping, cooking the kids food for the week and other essential errands that keep our family operational. Then, I got a text from Heather telling me Kobe Bryant had died. Over the next several hours, we learned what everyone had also learned. Basketball fan or not, it’s soul crushing.
Back down I went. Whatever recovery I mounted at dinner the night before was now gone. All I keep thinking about were their final moments together. As a father, what do you do? What can you do? Is there even enough time to react? I think my brain protects me from going any further because it doesn’t want to explore that level of pain. Instead, I’ve convinced myself that the two found comfort in each other’s arms before the worst. That’s how I’ve been coping with it, anyway. Honestly, it’s a little bit too much. We went to bed early on Sunday. More holding and less talking then usual.
What’s most interesting to me about recoveries, whether economic or personal in nature, is that they are not just about getting back to a previous point in time. They are about the healing process that we must go through to deal with the layers of emotional and physical trauma caused by whatever took us down in the first place. It might be hard to see it today, but Vanessa Bryant and her daughters will recover. With enough time, they will heal to the point of furthering the legacies of their lost husband and father, daughter and sister. It will be excruciatingly difficult, but I have faith they will do it.
I know this because the last ten years has also been a healing process for so many. The devastation created by The Great Recession generated trauma that was more than just financial. Countless are the number of divorces, bankruptcies and even suicides that took place as a result of financial carelessness and greed. For a decade, individuals and families have been working their way back to a time and place where things once again appear to be normal, despite knowing full well that they could never be. It’s those of us who fought our way back to the top that serve as a testament to our willingness to survive.
Sadly, bad things happen around us all the time. It’s only human nature for them to cut you down and tear you apart. However, it’s also human nature to heal. Our bodies and minds want us to recover so that we can continue our life’s journey, fulfilling both our genetic and spiritual obligations. That’s one of the things that makes life so incredible. My short stint with depression is a far cry from so many of the terrible things that happen everyday, but serves as a good reminder that a recovery is usually around the corner.
Perhaps it is best said by English historian, Thomas Fuller, “Thus, as it is always darkest just before the day dawneth, so God useth to visit His servants with greatest afflictions when he intendeth their speedy advancement.”
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Me driving to work thinking about viruses, Iran, impeachment, Kobe and the markets… pic.twitter.com/ZHN9zRZEeP
— Douglas A. Boneparth (@dougboneparth) January 28, 2020