You’ve seen it. Heck, you’ve probably done it at some point. I know I did. It’s that little line at the bottom of your footer or on the back of your business card. For me it read, “There is no greater compliment than a referral from a satisfied client.” It’s the equivalent of rocking a belt clip for your cell phone. Not a good look!
Here’s a quick story. Many years ago while working in my father’s planning practice, I joined him on a client service meeting over some Mexican food. At the end of our meal, my dad thought it would be a great idea to teach me how to ask for a referral. Since the client we were visiting that night was in sales, my father figured the client would appreciate the following exercise.
The goal was to get the client to write down the names of three people that he thought could also benefit from our services. However, instead of taking those names back to the office with us, my dad asked the client keep the names and contact them over the following week to see if was okay for us to connect. I was then tasked to follow up with the client to see if we had permission to reach out to any of the names on their list. This way, they would know who we were and why we were contacting them.
Now, I got to give my dad credit for using a lesson in referrals to ask for referrals, but unfortunately his clever exercise didn’t succeed as the client made no such attempt to contact the names on his list. In the end, this experience and many others like it turned me off from asking for referrals altogether. It wasn’t so much the uncomfortable awkwardness that arose from conducting any particular exercise. Heaven knows I’m not shy. Rather, it had more to do with the understanding of what we were asking someone to do regardless of how creative we were in asking. Allow me to explain.
What we practice as planning professionals touches on more than just our clients’ money which, in general, is already a tough topic to discuss with others. Indeed, through financial planning and our personal relationships, we go much deeper than just the fundamentals of personal finance. We involve ourselves in some of the most important aspects of our clients’ personal and financial lives. So if you think conversations with others about cash management or investments are hard, just imagine the difficulty in speaking with someone about tax, insurance and estate planning! I can assure you that’s going to put that person in an even weirder spot right from the start. Therefore, I can’t reasonably expect someone to inorganically bring up these topics with other people, especially if it’s to pitch me and my services.
There will be many of you that disagree with me on this, and that’s fine. I am sure there are a good number of you who have found success in asking their clients for referrals using one tactic or another. More clients for you I suppose. Oh, and I am sure some of you who have found success will argue that I am either making excuses, have some fear of rejection or tarnishing my reputation, or that I am simply underestimating what my clients are willing to do for me. I don’t think that’s the case given my experiences, but maybe that’s just confirmation bias kicking in.
Coincidentally, I recently sat down with one of my clients for a review meeting and, for whatever reason, at the end of the meeting I asked the client to “keep me in mind” if there was anyone else in his circle that he thought could use my help. That line is a classic! Knowing how I feel about making the request, I was sure to include a dash of self-awareness by also mentioning that I know that these things come up organically. His reply confirmed what I already knew, that it’s “not a problem” and that if it comes up, “he’s got me”. No harm no faul, but I felt like this was already understood and, of course, a bit awkward.
Deep down, I know what earns referrals (and I think you do to). Referrals are earned through the hard work and dedicated service I provide my clients year in and year out. They are born from the trustworthy relationships built through financial planning and meaningful client engagement. Clients don’t need me pointing out how great I am or how valuable my services are so that they can then go deliberately share it with their friends as if they are some walking, talking advertisement for me. What I do is way too personal for all that.
Again, like the cell phone belt clip, advisors asking for referrals is tacky. There’s nothing authentic about it. What I want is the referral that comes from genuine, organic means because I know that referral is not some manufactured tube of bologna that has me wondering about its contents. I want the pure one that found its way to me from a client having an intimate or difficult conversation with a friend or family member in need of help. You know, the one that carries a sense or urgency with it. I want to the one I don’t have to ask for.